my grace is not very refined.

Downtown Battle Mountain II (DGD´s newest)

The Dance Gavin Dance show was amazing. I loved every moment of it. ...it makes me want to hop up on that stage and sing songs.  I keep getting closer to finding what I really want.  I don´t need a college degree to figure this out, I just needed some time.  I´m definitely on the right track, and I´m excited for it.

I co-wrote my first song this week.  ...and recorded it and sent it to a band.  My roommate and I both sang and wrote and he was able to throw some screams out.  I´m very excited about the entire endeavor, since we met the band we were trying out for, and they are amazing people...and by amazing, I mean that they are the same kind of people that I like to kick it with.

Turns out they want Joel to be their singer!  I´m incredibly excited for him, but I´d be a liar if I said I wasn´t a little disappointed...but it really shouldn´t just be THAT easy for me. ...maybe it will be.  It would be fun to be in a band with my roommate, but if it ever happens, now won´t be the time, and I´m okay with that.  The people he´s joining up with are all very good musicians, and I´m impressed. ...there are so many people here who are musicians and who want to have bands that are worth a shit-covered nickel just aren´t.  ...maybe I should be more compassionate towards them...but I´m not, and I don´t feel bad about that.

I think about my music résumé and just think ¨what the fuck am I doing, anyway?¨ ...I do have quite a bit of music experience...just none of it in a band. ...I played saxophone for a million years, I sang in choir and blah blah blah.  I have performance experience.  ...and most of all, I can actually sing pretty well.  Tomrorow I´m gonna find out whether or not I can scream.  ...we´ll see I guess!  I´m going to try out for a band in Emeryville soon (hopefully!).   Oh, by the way, people...I live in Emeryville/Oakland, so...it´s cool.

I´m still searching for a job.  It makes me feel like a horrible person that I haven´t found anything yet.  ...I realized that the things I keep looking at are career type things.  I just need to find some slummy job and work with my kind of people...just not dumb people.  I look at my arm and remember that I´ve made choices so far, and I´m SOOOOO happy that I have.  ...I don´t want to get sucked into something and get elbows deep before I realize or remember that it´s not what I want.  ...and then I make Tito dance (Tito is the dinosaur that goes over my wrist...the fact that he can dance is purely coincidental).

I saw the movie Your Highness last weekend.  It was such a wonderful time.  ...that movie is SOOOO funny.  Easily top five funniest movies I´ve ever seen.  EVER.  ...I´m going to see it again tomorrow.  It has the guy from Eastbound and Down, and if you don´t know what THAT is, you´re definitely missing out.

I feel like I really have support from my people here. I´m excited to be part of a new group of friends, too.  I want to start getting comfortable with the idea of ¨home¨ and all that means.  Regardless of what anyone else says to me, I haven´t ever felt ¨home¨ before, and I really like this feeling.  I feel like from this point, I still want to travel, but I want to always return here.  Also, ...I am really finally making an effort recently to talk to those who I´ve left in other places, but I really am not feeling support from them.  ...this is me being needy and selfish.  I´m entitled to it.  Indulge me, please.  ...Also, will someone just give me a goddamn hug?!

XOXO

I Would be Nothing Without Autotune.

Panic! At the Disco is playing.  ...they would be nothing without the exclamation mark.  Some songs remind me of videogames.  Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks reminds me of Turtles in Time...when they are in the time of dinosaurs.  Bank of America hold music reminds me of The Magic School bus. ...why? I'm not sure.

My brain is full of a lot of broken files...I wish I could re-format it...and re-organize how things are put.  I want it orderly.  If I keep filling it, perhaps it will render me incapable of caring, or perhaps it will auto-correct itself in order to find space for the things I want there.  

Another new start.  Another new start.  I don't want a new start...I want a continuation of a journey.  I'm happy to know that I've done so many things in my life already, and I'm so young...each wrinkle I get will have a story...until I iron the shit out of them with plastic surgery.  My cheek piercing is causing me to get wrinkles by my eye.  Fuck em.  

I'm currently waiting for my external hard drive to take on all of my music files. ...and all of my other information currently stored on my computer.  1TB seems like enough.  This isn't a plug for the hard drive, but goddamn I'm stoked.  ...but I'm miffed about its arrival.  The USPS man left it by the mailbox, which...as (almost) none of you know...is outside and just a few rectangular boxes attached to a building.  I should write a letter.  But I have no time, nor stamps....or a printer.  I'm sure I could email them and express my disdain for their haphazard handling of my precious.  

I don't really dress that well, and this I know.  I can't stand for when other people dress terribly though. ...well, certain people.  If you have a personality that affords for you to dress frumpy because you have such an awesome personality, it's okay...but if you dress like a fairy and dress like an idiot.  If someone is wearing jeans and a tutu, and a giant fucking bow....you'd better be the hottest girl out there. ...and adorable.  ...and probably weigh 90 lbs (or ninety libras)...and probably be going to a Halloween party where it's cold.  Actually, I tried to find a picture of jeans and tutus together for all of you, but...there aren't any...this is a sign. 

Also, can we talk for a second about Jonny Craig?  If you don't know who he is, he's an amazing vocalist...you can check him out in Emarosa or Dance Gavin Dance.  There are some good vocalists out there, for sure..but he stands out, for sure.  It's not only the fact that his voice is good...it's the emotion he puts into it.  So much soul and emotion would be such a burden.  

Jesús

Jonny

I should be putting together a "Move Mix" for our journey across the country.  I'm happy that my moving buddy (since everyone needs a moving buddy) has the same taste in music (more or less) that I do.  ...this will make things easier...and the fact that we actually get along.  Thank you, Jebus...actually, since Jonny Craig and Jesus Christ have the same initials, I'm going to try my damndest to replace all of my "jesus" moments with "Johnny".  ....maybe.  I'll ponder the potential consequences of this.  

I want to make some goals.  Not like resolutions...I'm not really sure the point of resolutions.  They I feel like they're the only goals set that are acceptable to abandon, by design.  I'm not on that bandwagon.  ...Soooo...I want to try food from at least two other cultures (that I haven't already tried).  I'm not sure what's out there...but I'm sure I won't have a problem fulfilling this.  I also want to be more social.  When I move, I need to make an effort to find friends.  I feel as though I could've tried harder here.  ...instead of just letting things happen, maybe I could have made some more effort.  So as this stint winds down, and things are settled and figured out...I wish to reflect on what I've done here and devise how to improve in my next location.  Also, I don't want to move for a while.  I haven't lived anywhere for over a year in my adult life (I'm a month and a half shy of 24, for those of you who don't know).  ...that might be nice.  

I would also like to mention one more thing before I...sign off for this episode.  I want to say that it's never good to keep those lingering questions without their answers.  If those answers are in other people, find them.  ...or something.  

Deuces