When it Rains, it Pours (sometimes)...but I like rain...sooo...

It doesn't rain very often here.  There is an over-abundance of sunshine.  I feel like I moved from marshlands to....the high plains...but with less wind.  I miss the rain...

Ummm...I'm not sure how to update people.  Everything is the same.  I'm doing alright.  I have some friends...a couple of people with whom I work.  I even have plans to go out tomorrow night with a few of them.  I am very excited for this.

I got a call from the place that I want to work...I interviewed there yesterday.  I am excited.  OH!  I also have a new phone number...and AND I got some contact lenses in the mail, so I feel like a normal human being again today!  I was bothered by something that someone said to me today.  An ex-professor who works with me told me (I'm paraphrasing) that he wouldn't trust me versus another co-worker because of how I look.  I look crazy and un-normal, and the other person looks very "normal".  FUCK THAT.  "educated" ...?  and he TAUGHT other humans with spongey minds?

I feel like I'm being sensitive about that.  I would like to take this moment to be VERY clear about how I feel about this (again, how I FEEL...not what is right or wrong...that's all relative).  I dress the way I do, comb my hair (or not hahaha) the way  I do, put makeup on, wear jewelry and dye my hair (among other things) because I do.  *this* is how I want to look.  This is how I feel comfortable looking every day...I am not looking for any attention, I'm not looking to stand out, this is what makes me comfortable...and that's how everyone should dress: however makes them feel normal to them.  It really sucks to have people say shit about how I look. ...I don't make fun of cowboys for how they look...I make fun of them for who they are as PEOPLE.  I tell you what.

I am currently looking for a new place to live.  I have been to a couple of places (I haven't told Joel) but they were both very fucking shady...and I don't really want to talk about either experience. ...I'm hoping to look at a couple of other places soon...I've been corresponding with some people about things, so...hopefully a new place so I don't have to bother poor Joel forever.  I feel so terribly invasive by being here.  And I really hate that I still with him...I mean, Joel is supa fly...or whatever white people say to describe cool white people...but idk.  this is HIS place.  I hate that I still live here.  I imagined that I would already be somewhere else.  I feel like a terrible person...but...meh.

I feel terribly weepy at the moment.  No reason.  I think maybe I just feel super pouty...Also, listening to "Postcards from Italy" by Beirut...and it makes me think of Miranda.  ...and I wander off to thinking about other people...from my past and present.  I feel like this happens a lot.  The people in my life are like waves rolling onto shore...I think about them and try to get over my thoughts and feelings...and they go away and then come back.  ...sandwiched somewhere between what is (the sand) and the ever-changing possibilities for, well, change and hope for tomorrow (the sky).  I feel like some of those people just evaporate and become part of my dreams, only to rain down again...and start ebbing and flowing in a never-ending cycle...

Speaking of dreams...Every day (and I'm fairly certain that I have mentioned this) I am awakened to the sound of the train going by...and every morning...when I hear this noise, my awake subconscious self thinks that the train is going to run into something.  ...umm...will someone please psychoanalyze that?  That'd be great.  Maybe I should just get a lobotomy...then I wouldn't have to worry about these things...and the sporadic residual affects from life experiences wouldn't have to flow into my life...they wouldn't exist.  Maybe my life would be like a jukebox then...and I could just listen to the world on repeat.