((**big, deep breaths. big, deep breaths...**))

It's been a minute since I last wrote anything.  This is going to be sloppy and poorly written...there's your notice.  I feel as though concurrently so much and so little has happened that I'm not really sure what to write.  I will definitely try to summarize all that is going on...but we'll see how this goes.

This picture has no purpose.  I just saw it and thought it was hilarious.  God I love being right.

Currently, the pro bowl is on.  I don't much care about the pro bowl.  Also, I'm listening to Escape the Fate's album...Escape the Fate.  I hate it.  It's somewhat reminiscent of some older Linkin Park...mixed with...actually, I'm not sure.  But whatever it is, I hate it.  Just like I hate Kill Hannah's latest album...I can't think of the title right now.  When a band starts sucking, it makes me just wonder...have they been this bad all along and I just didn't know it?  Am I just being too judgmental?  I want it to just be me. ...I usually listen a few times, only to have my initial impressions confirmed.  They usually suck.  And I am upset.  I usually have to break up with the band, only to have a few more times of listening randomly while reminiscing of a time when they had my heart.  One thing I *do* know is that I am currently in love with Emarosa.  LOVE them.  ...in probably an unhealthy way.

I am currently thinking about getting another tattoo.  I want to do this soon...since I will soon be poor for the rest of my life...or so I feel anyway.  UUuuuuugh.  I feel incredibly stressed.  I might be calming down, but a giant amount of stress still exists.  The reason for this?  Well...all in due time.  I will first kind of update people on what is going on in my life...or what has happened since the last time I wrote a blog.

So, I have been sick for literally the entire year.  I have a cough still, and am still getting dizzy, though the amount of dizziness has definitely dwindled a bit.  Thank god for those Meclizine, or my life would suck way more.  I've been to Urgent Care, the emergency room, and the Dr's office this year already.  Everyone tells me I'm fine.  The doctors were just good at giving me some pills.  Super.  Duper.  I just want to be healthy.  Does anyone know a medicine man?  Maybe they can heal me.  ...or a shaman.  Maybe one of those.  I digress.

Joel had surgery on his tummy, so while he was gone (he was not at our apartment for about a week or so.  I got incredibly bored.).  I did what any good woman would do: I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom....or rather bottom to as far as I could reach.  The place not only looked *fabulous* but it smelled good.  I feel as though that was time spent wasting time.

I went shopping at a place called the "Florence Y'all" (actually the Florence Mall, but they had had it painted on a water tower, and had to change it, so now it says "Florence Y'all" instead.  weird, I know...I don't ask questions.  I simply accept it).  I bought a lot of new clothing, which I needed.  I've definitely lost weight here...about 25lbs.  ...so nothing fit.  I still have most of my clothing from before, just nothing fits.  fail.  It doesn't even matter.  I do have some new clothing.

I am currently saving as much money as I possibly can.  I plan on going to visit René in June and I am moving to California in March.  We'll see how all that goes.  This is why I  am stressed.  If anyone wants to donate to the "Meah Knight fund" you're more than welcome.  I'll even give you my address!  Just kidding.  I'll be fine.  I've been looking for jobs.   I really don't have much shit to pack, either.

I haven't really done anything else...I don't think.  I'm brushing up on my Spanish so that I can hopefully get a job being bi-lingual (hopefully I can trick them into thinking that I'm fluent) in Spanish/English.  I've been putting it on all of the résumés I've submitted, so...hopefully that won't make me a liar.  We DO have a place to live though...I am happy that this part is already done.  If anyone knows anyone who lives in the SF Bay area, please tell them I'm coming, and ask them to show me around...or just give their number to me, and I'll ask.

Well, I'm not really sure what else to put on here.  I'm too sick to be emo and I have too much on my mind to write about anything of value.  So...this is it.  Happy blog and whatnot.  Also, I hope that everyone has a happy Bearduary! 

Last Week I Had the Strangest Dream, That Everything Was Exactly As It Seemed...

Ah today was Thanksgiving.  It was the first in memory where I didn't spend time with my nuclear family. I did not feel an ounce of stress.  I did not feel anything but relaxed excitement and contentment.  I am so immeasurably thankful to my gracious roommate who, along with his family, permitted me to spend quite possibly my favorite holiday with them.  Thanks to everyone who was there, even though none of you (save one) will ever even possibly read this.

I have been sick a bit lately.  I have found that this happens quite regularly, or at least more regularly than I'd like and I ought to just go see a licensed physician...Ah, and this is where I'll be vague.  I'm sure that I'm fine.  I was fine for a couple of days, but fuck.  I feel all just sore and tired and whiney again...just all sorts of uncomfortable.  Perhaps this would be a good weekend to stay in.  This reminds me of The Oregon Trail when people would get ailments and just rest for a day or two and then be right as rain.  If only it were so easy.  ...at least I don't have to worry about cholera or typhus.

I have not been practicing any languages or art or reading lately.  I am greatly bothered by this.  I have, however, been more social.  I guess that one justifies the other.  ...no, not really.  I am merely trying to make myself feel better about doing so.  There are so many books that I would like to read.  ...in fact I now have a few additional recommendations from the person who used to live here...and by here I mean in the same bedroom in which I now sleep.

I feel very odd about talking to this individual.  I'm not sure exactly what makes me uncomfortable.  I think that I feel kind of like Maurice in Beauty and the Beast...when Maurice is lost in the woods and find a castle and is being taken care of by the residents of the castle until the beast comes and puts him in the dungeon for trespassing.  There is no way that the former resident is a beast.  ...at least I assume not and have no real way of knowing.  I am just infinitely intrigued by someone who has left parts of their life here...parts which include memories and personal items.  This makes me also feel a little like an anthropologist.  ...hmmm...everyone who mutually knows this person (actually only one or two of the people who I have met and mutually know this person) have told me that my unsure and awkward feelings about this are all bollocks.  This is all probably true.  ...All the same.  I do delight in the fact that I'm almost certain that I will at some point meet this individual, and at once just be able to giggle at my intrigue.  If this happens, dear reader...I will be sure to tell you.

Also I would like to mention that I am finally...in such a "fuckit" mood that I'm ready to meet people.  ...throngs of people.  SCHOOLS (no children) of people...and, well, you get the idea.  I'm not super conscious of this...just becoming aware that my actions and behaviors (a little redundant) are reflecting such, and my mind thinks that it's a good idea to pursue such endeavors.  ...besides, I'm sure that my roommate would appreciate it if I beat other people sometimes, too.

And now, I must go...because I have a few goals to attain before the end of the year.  ...fuck new year's resolutions.  I'm making NOW goals.

Also.  The Walking Dead.  OOOOOOH god (<--if you're into that). SOOOOO GOOOOOD. I just wish that other people had read the series too.  but whatever.  fuckit.