Hello again!

Well hello there. ...it's nice to see you. It's been QUITE a while.

I don't think that I've written a new post in about a year. I could check, but am too lazy to do so. To get everyone up to speed on my life, this blog was created. Also, Joel is out of town, so I'm bored and watching Afro Samurai...

Since I'm not quite sure where I left off, I'm not quite sure where to pick up. Let's start with the basics. I now work where Joel does, at a great site called Alibris  I still talk to customers all day, but it's mostly emails and mundane tasks. I like my co-workers pretty well, since the person across from me brings her dog in every day, I get to play with an adorable puppy (okay, like year and a half old dog; still a puppy).

I briefly had a job elsewhere (so brief that it was only eight hours), but they gave me the boot because I don't like kids. Well, whatever. I lied on my resume anyway.

We've done a lot of fun things and have had a lot of fun adventures. We had a full house over New Years, which was also the first time that I traveled to Napa Valley. It's a fun excuse to get classy and drink wine. And the wine is amazing! We've been to baseball games, football games, parks, restaurants, movies, shopping, and so many other fun things.

I started my job in October-ish. In November-ish I got suspended for the first time ever. You're probably asking why. Well, turns out I'm slightly racist, and made a comment about the cheapness of the Jewish people. Also, turns out my comment wasn't HR kosher.

Being suspended wasn't so bad. I got a three and a half day weekend, and I started playing videogames again. Specifically, I started playing Skyrim. I really enjoyed it, even though I was kind of awful for the first 30 hours or so that I played. I eventually restarted and did way better. I think that my shitty playing abilities are okay, because it was my first 360 game. Good for me (by the way, Afro Samurai is such an odd movie).

So we stayed here for Christmas, and I don't quite recall what happened for it. Joel and I exchanged gifts, and hung out. It was simple, fun and relaxing. It's incredibly odd when you start new traditions by not being with old traditions. ...whatever that really means. And right after Christmas was when we had those guests. Having three guests in our house created an insane amount of unneeded drama. That's all over now, and we're drama free again.

In early March, my ma came to visit. I hadn't seen her in just under a year and a half, which is quite a long time. It was fun to show her and her boyfriend fun stuff about the city (San Francisco is referred to as "the city"). After they left, it was my birthday (or right around then) and Joel and I headed to Napa Valley for a relaxing weekend thanks to a Groupon deal. We also went to a spa and got mud baths. My recommendation to all of you out there is to NOT ever do that. It literally smells like shit. Also, after you get out, you have peat moss (and whatever else it's made out of) everywhere - even the most personal of places. Never. Again. After that was over, we went to a bunch of wineries and bought a bunch of wines. It was a beautiful thing.

For the fourth of July, we had a somewhat traditional barbecue: Oakland style. Our friend had a tiny 12" grill, and we put that in a parking lot at our friend's apartment. We ate, drank, smoked, enjoyed the sun, and then at night... we saw fireworks everywhere. We set off fireworks, everything. It was beautiful, and charming. I love Oakland.

Speaking of my love for Oakland, I was mugged at gunpoint about a month ago. Shitty deal, but whatever. I still love Oakland. And I have all new stuff (keys, purse, etc). It sucked, but I still love this place.

It's nice to know that the past year of my life can be summed up in a few paragraphs. I know that I've left quite a bit out, but nobody wants to kill THAT much time. Ah, so thanks for reading everyone. Maybe I'll write again soon.

It´s been over a month...

It´s been over a month since I´ve last written.

I went to a Reds game...at the Giant´s stadium.  It was incredibly cold, but the Reds won.  ...and I tried these things called garlic fries (sounds simple, right?) and they are allegedly ·also· the San Francisco treat.  ...and I apparently have not assimilated enough into the culture to enjoy them, but those who have swooped in to eat them.  Yucky little things.  ...but I did discover that we have a red plum tree in our back yard...fresh red plums that are only slightly tart and just...amazing.  CALIFORNIA!

Also, I sometimes go to trivia on Sunday nights at a bar not too far from here.  ...I´m pop culture-tarded, so I don´t know many answers, but I still have fun and get to spend time with my buddies.  I helped a friend from work move as well.  I´ve been to a few parties and gone to a few movies as well.  Life here has been good so far.  ...OH!  and I met a person on the BART.  ...he was reading a graphic novel that I´ve been meaning to check out, but just haven´t yet (it was Hack/Slash).   I´ve since been invited to go play board games, which sounds like a very exciting time.  :)  I imagine that not ALL nerds who play boardgames can be single.  ...not that I´m looking for a husband.

Actually, although I´ve given some updates, I really wanted to focus on the people I spend most of my time with here.  Since they´re such a huge part of my life (I don´t want to sound all mushy, but if I don´t see them for a day, I get a little sad), I want to talk about them and the silly way that at least a couple of my friends and I perceive ourselves.

They will be listed in alphabetical order, so they know that I´m not playing favorites.  Since three of them are J´s...I have to break out my dictionary to get them in the right order.  They are Jessica, Joel, Julian, and Zach (aka Scooter).

Jessica is my chick friend here.  She´s a young woman in her early 20s who is at the same time both a journalist and very gullible.  I feel like this is why she and I can get along. ...well, there are many reasons, but this is one of them.  She is from CA originally and knows the area super well, which makes it easy to find good places to go. ...I do have to say that I don´t entirely trust her taste in movies, but she has a record player and a shit load of records, and anyone who has these things is alright in my book.  She recently got to see some really awesome zebras.  She´s the equivalent of Jan Brady.

Joel is...well.  Joel is my roommate.  I live with him...because I have to...because I signed this piece of paper.  He rides a motorcycle, sings for a post-hardcore band and plays bass for an AC/DC cover band.  He´s also recently been employed.  Ladies...?  He´s available.  He definitely has his place here, but he´s also such a little boy in some ways.  ...I mean that affectionately, not like...in a bitch way.  If we were the Brady Bunch, he´d be Bobby.  There is all too much I could say about this boy.  I´m thankful for everything he´s done for me ever...and I´ve only known him for...a year or so.  Right now he´s helping me with music.  Also with getting over some fears.

Julian is the scientist.  He also rides motorcycles.  He also is in love with muay thai, which he´s been taking classes for...for almost the entire time since I´ve been here.  He´s super whiney, and should hire a maid to take care of him.  ...just. ...all of the time to follow him around and take care of him.  He´s definitely the smartest person I´ve ever met.  ...and I´m lucky that I can ask him all sorts of really silly science questions all of the time.  I´m making a painting for him. ...It´s going to be of the calabi yau.  This young adult has allowed me to engross myself in the Ender series.   Also, I recently broke his computer (which I feel awful about) and murdered the science he kept on it.  Julian is the Cindy Brady.  Kind of adorable (no lisp though) but mostly whiney and needy...but people are gonna do shit for him, because he´s Julian.

Last in the alphabet is Zach, who´s definitely the Mr. Brady.  Zach constantly contradicts himself in arguments.  He has such a strange taste in things dealing with women.  I imagine him in a few short years with a glass of scotch and a cigar...in his study or his cigar room. He´s also a skater, but he´s also...not dumb (not that skaters are dumb).  I´ll patiently wait for the day when he and I can have a really good conversation about something...anything really, except for music.  He has lived in CA for a while and knows where some good stuff is.  When we have to make decisions, it´s usually based on his preferences if he´s going.  We definitely do not see enough of him though, which I guess is what makes him the Mr. Brady.

All of these people are my core peeps.  There are other people I hang out with, but not as much as these fuckers.  It doesn´t matter what role I have (I´m the Alice Brady.  yeah, fucking alice.  not that it matters. this isn´t about me...kind of) because I just want to keep living this role as one of the people in this group.  I hope that other people can come into our group, and that if people need to leave it, they can without hard feelings.

All of these people have made my life immeasurably better than it would have been otherwise.  I truly believe that it takes about a year after moving to make and form the friendships that it´s taken me a few months to have.  I´m getting all mushy and stuff, but I really cherish each of these people.  I love all that they have given me.  I don´t need to question whether or not I´ve given anything to them.  I will just continue to enjoy the fuck out of them.

Kicking dogs is never on my agenda.

I´m trying to be productive today.  No, I´m not hungover, just...hm.  Who knows?

I get to walk past this every day!

Since my last update I have gotten a job.  It´s a place where I am one of three people who answer phones and questions and has to deal directly with customers.  ...This company is a startup and has been around since about July...of last year.  Yeah.  THAT new!  I really enjoy going to San Francisco every day, and am amused by the things I see there, but I hate that I am gone for about eleven hours per day, due to my commute (public transportation!). ...AND I get to be the cute girl in the office, since I am the only girl under 30 who works there. (there might be one other girl who works there who isn´t..but she´s awful).
The hours aren´t bad, and the other two women I work with are wonderful.  If they weren´t great, then I don´t think I could do my job, not that it´s difficult or anything, just...yeah!

Also, I really enjoy that I work with a lot of VERY attractive nerds.  I´m not sure why I´m attracted to them, but in the past year or so I have realized that THAt is the type of boy I´m after. ...maybe.  There are a lot of other boys who aren´t nerds who I´m attracted to, but I feel like they´re all undercover nerds.

I kicked a dog the other day by accident.  I was in the BART station, and listening to my iPod...and I was sitting down on a circle bench thing and I uncrossed my legs, and kicked a dog while doing so.  It wasn´t hard, but it was enough to make the thing yelp.  It might not have been so bad if the person whose dog it was looked like they were challenged and that this was some kind of service dog.  The loook that the man whose dog it was gave me the scariest look I´ve ever seen.  ...it was a look of a crazy man...not even a man who was crazy with anger.  This man was legit scary.  Anyway!

There are a lot of people constantly campaigning for this or that downtown.  The other day I was walking downtown (incidentally, this was just a few minutes before I kicked the dog in the BART) and saw a campaign worker who was moonwalking.  ...He was saying little things to people as they passed, and he just looked at me and said, ¨nice boots!¨ The thing that was weird about this situation was that he didn´t have any headphones in.  He was just moonwalking and talking at people.

Every day when I am on my way home, I can expect someone or some group of people to be playing instruments or singing near the entrance of the BART that I take home.  It is always fun to see what will be next.  Most of the time people are good.  There have been mariachi-like bands, saxophone soloists, barbershop quartets, people with acoustic guitars and I think that rounds it out so far.  I really enjoy hearing that music.  Every day.

I was sick for a few days this week.  It was awful.  Ex·cru·ci·at·ing pain  was in my mid section and I stayed home from work for two days because of it.  My wonderful roommate was very nice to me those two days. I was really worried by this pain.  It kind of reminded me of these gall bladder attacks that I used to get, but I no longer have a gall bladder.  I feel much better now, though, so life will go on just fine.

I don´t take my artwork very seriously most of the time.  In fact, I like it to be a hobby of mine, and I like to work hard on the pieces that I do, but I´ve only ever done the art for myself.  I recently decided to do a piece for someone else (I HAVE painted things for other people as wedding presents, but never any sort of request of theirs).  A science nerd friend of mine asked me if I would make a calabi-yau for him.  It makes me feel sort of weird to do something so wholly for someone else.  I´m not sure that I like that feeling in my artwork, so at this point I need to make a choice.  Maybe not ¨need¨ but I would like to decide how to...figure out if I want to continue just painting whatever whenever for myself, or if I want to make it a thing to paint for other people...I suppose I should wait to see the end result of this current project.  

my grace is not very refined.

Downtown Battle Mountain II (DGD´s newest)

The Dance Gavin Dance show was amazing. I loved every moment of it. ...it makes me want to hop up on that stage and sing songs.  I keep getting closer to finding what I really want.  I don´t need a college degree to figure this out, I just needed some time.  I´m definitely on the right track, and I´m excited for it.

I co-wrote my first song this week.  ...and recorded it and sent it to a band.  My roommate and I both sang and wrote and he was able to throw some screams out.  I´m very excited about the entire endeavor, since we met the band we were trying out for, and they are amazing people...and by amazing, I mean that they are the same kind of people that I like to kick it with.

Turns out they want Joel to be their singer!  I´m incredibly excited for him, but I´d be a liar if I said I wasn´t a little disappointed...but it really shouldn´t just be THAT easy for me. ...maybe it will be.  It would be fun to be in a band with my roommate, but if it ever happens, now won´t be the time, and I´m okay with that.  The people he´s joining up with are all very good musicians, and I´m impressed. ...there are so many people here who are musicians and who want to have bands that are worth a shit-covered nickel just aren´t.  ...maybe I should be more compassionate towards them...but I´m not, and I don´t feel bad about that.

I think about my music résumé and just think ¨what the fuck am I doing, anyway?¨ ...I do have quite a bit of music experience...just none of it in a band. ...I played saxophone for a million years, I sang in choir and blah blah blah.  I have performance experience.  ...and most of all, I can actually sing pretty well.  Tomrorow I´m gonna find out whether or not I can scream.  ...we´ll see I guess!  I´m going to try out for a band in Emeryville soon (hopefully!).   Oh, by the way, people...I live in Emeryville/Oakland, so...it´s cool.

I´m still searching for a job.  It makes me feel like a horrible person that I haven´t found anything yet.  ...I realized that the things I keep looking at are career type things.  I just need to find some slummy job and work with my kind of people...just not dumb people.  I look at my arm and remember that I´ve made choices so far, and I´m SOOOOO happy that I have.  ...I don´t want to get sucked into something and get elbows deep before I realize or remember that it´s not what I want.  ...and then I make Tito dance (Tito is the dinosaur that goes over my wrist...the fact that he can dance is purely coincidental).

I saw the movie Your Highness last weekend.  It was such a wonderful time.  ...that movie is SOOOO funny.  Easily top five funniest movies I´ve ever seen.  EVER.  ...I´m going to see it again tomorrow.  It has the guy from Eastbound and Down, and if you don´t know what THAT is, you´re definitely missing out.

I feel like I really have support from my people here. I´m excited to be part of a new group of friends, too.  I want to start getting comfortable with the idea of ¨home¨ and all that means.  Regardless of what anyone else says to me, I haven´t ever felt ¨home¨ before, and I really like this feeling.  I feel like from this point, I still want to travel, but I want to always return here.  Also, ...I am really finally making an effort recently to talk to those who I´ve left in other places, but I really am not feeling support from them.  ...this is me being needy and selfish.  I´m entitled to it.  Indulge me, please.  ...Also, will someone just give me a goddamn hug?!

XOXO

Midori Sour is the best way to cool off on a hot day.

As always, and immense amount of things has happened since last I wrote.  This is a theme, and goin forth, I will do my best to abstain from saying it, for fear of sounding like a broken record...

Ethopian food!

I have completed a goal of mine for this year!!!  The goal was to try at least three ethnic food stuffs.  ...and I did, they were Ethiopian (I tried this one twice and was not fond either time...it was the spongey, vinegar-y bread stuff mostly), Korean, and...I think Vietnamese???  I don´t remember now where it was from, but it was new to me.  My palette was thankful for it.  I´ve also had In ´N Out Burger here (actually I first had it in AZ, but whatever).  It was the best cheeseburger I´ve ever consumed.  I was full after the first, but I wish I had eaten a second.  ...I´ve had this a few times since being here, but since I am a perpetual pedestrian and there are not any within reasonable walking distance, I have not ventured out to see one here.

I had a birthday here!  It was...a couple of weeks ago or something.  I don´t remember if I wrote about it or not.  ...it just kind of came and went.  I stopped getting my hopes up for anything relating to my birthday after I was just absolutely crushed by one a couple of years ago.  Now if I expect anything more than a happy birthday in person from at least A person, I become crushed and spend the day wallowing in self pity.  ...the girl in me really shines at that moment.

Crackhead

I´d like to find someone to sing for here.  Not like A person, rather a group.  It doesn´t have to be a serious deal, or anything that´s horribly important.  ...I ought to set a goal for myself to sing for a crowd (I´m not looking to perform in a coliseum, just in front of a few people...) before the end of the year.  I´ve been responding to bands on Craigslist, but I don´t have any experience being in a band, I only play the saxophone and vocals, and...I don´t have any samples of my voice.  ...I do plan on going to just...sing for someone though.  My debilitating fear has such a grip on my person that it affects the happiness of my soul.  ...It puts me in such a sad place when I can´t sing.  I find myself humming more and just...I feel like a crackhead...looking to see if anyone else is home, if the neighbors are gone...then if no one is around that I can tell, I turn the volume up and just sing out loud.  I have to stop doing that.  ...I need to be able to satiate my lusty, thirstful desire to sing out loud.

Some very fun things have happened the past few days!  This weekend was one of my favorite.  We went out two nights in a row, we got to experience good drinks and good times.  I´ve met a really awesome girl to be my chick friend!  I love the boys that I hang out with dearly, but every girl needs a good chick friend.  ...and just.  I am so ecstatic to have one here.  I´ve left the good ones in the places I´ve been.  I wish I could have taken them all with me, but they have to be good friends to other people in other places, and I respect that.  The boys all dances when we went to the bar the other night.  A guy asked me for my number, I met a German, and ate at Hood Burger (it´s just like it sounds.  I keep calling it Ghetto Burger on accident).

There´s a show I´m going to on Saturday.  Dance Gavin Dance is the band.  I just discovered that they had a new album they put out a few weeks ago, and I´ve been listening ever since!  I really like the frontman´s other band Emarosa, but I´ll take what I can.  I´m just stoked that they´re coming here!!!

Let´s see....to summarize a few other things...I heard gunshots the other morning...about four, and I asked someone else how far away they probably were, and the estimate I was given was three or four blocks.  ...the shocking part was that I wasn´t alarmed in any way.  ...perhaps it was fatigue and the absurd assumption that I am invincible, since I am a (mostly) caucasian female who is in her mid-twenties.  I have gone to a few interviews.  Some of them I hated, some were just absurd things for me to do.  My most recent was on Friday and I ended up being a little late since I couldn´t figure out the public transportation here, so I just need to re-schedule it, per recommendation of the very, VERY nice lady who greeted me.  I still need to set that up.

Tomorrow noon I have an interview for a company who makes (or sells or something) eco-friendly LED lights.  Sounds a little hippie, but I really REALLY like the sounds of it so far.  We will see how it goes. I just get all nervous about interviews because of my appearance.  No matter how clean and polished I get, I still have piercings and tattoos.  In no way do I regret them or want to get rid of them, but there´s this weird, awkward ¨oh my god they´re gonna judge me and not hire me based on my appearance¨...which is (I feel) a legitimate concern.  ...but it is what it is.  I will still have my lip pierced three times, etc.  I have no plans of changing myself for a company.  ...and if I take them out someday, it will be of my own accord.

Yesterday night we grilled food and burned shit.  Those were the positive aspects of the evening.  There were a few negative ones, but I will not mention them, for I do not wish to share the negativity.  I do, howeer hope that the negativity is shared with people (or person) if the occasion arises.  It´s the little blessings.  ...and by blessings I mean assholes in my life who aren´t assholes to me.  

Ciao for now.

Ah, the pitter patter of raindrops

If you skip down a little bit, it´s translated to English...sooooo...there you go. No pictures this episode.

Esta noche fume en un lugar diferente.  Enfrente de la casa mía nueva (sólo la casa de California).  ...yo vi un hombre sin hogar.  Tenía un carrita de supermercado con todo de su vida.  Siempre empujan sus vidas enfrente de sí mismas.  Siento la lluvia y la brisa...

El hombre que vi llevó un poncho y caminó con una cojera.  Sentí mal por él...Regrese a mi cuarto y escuché a mis amigos cuando tocaron unas guitarras.  Mi cuerpo está aburrido, pero mi mente siempre está llena con todo que veo aquí...y las cosas y pensamientos nuevos.

¿Por qué nadie me enseñó sobre estás cosas?  Las personas aquí siempre han visto los pobres y no hacen nada. ...No voy hacer nada para ellos.  ...No puedo.  Mi corazón ha cambiado de cómo fue hace unos pocos años y está más duro y menos abierto a las personas para quien había una vez podrían hacerme llorar...a lo menos en la corazón.

No hay mucho que ha cambiado de la última vez que escribí...No tengo un trabajo, pero ya tenemos una casa en donde hay las mismas cosas de cualquier casa en todo el mundo.  ...pero cuando veo las personas sin hogares...siempre pienso en el libro ¨La Carretera¨ y...como...no podría vivir en un mundo como así.




Tonight I smoked in a different place...In front of my new house (only my house in California). ...and I saw a homeless man.  He had a shopping cart that held all of his life.  They always push their lies in front of them.  I felt the rain and the breeze...

The man that I saw wore a poncho and walked with a limp.  I felt bad for him.  I returned to my room and listened to my friends while they played guitars.  My body was bored but my mind is always full of the things that I see here...the things and the new thoughts.

Why didn´t anyone teach me about these things?  The people here have always seen the poor and don´t do anything.  I´m not doing to do anything for them.  I can´t.  Mi heart has changed from how it was a few years ago...it is harder, tougher and less open to people who at one point made me cry...or at least made my heart cry.

There isn´t much that has changed since the last time that I wrote.  I don´t have a job, but I still have a house with the same things as every other house in the world.  ...but when I see the homeless people...I always think of the book ¨the Road¨and now I couldn´t live in a world like that...

the clouds are so low that I can see my breath

I´m not even sure what has all happened since I´ve been here.  I will try to recount events as well as I can... and I will go by the days.

Day 1 of arrival:

We arrived at about one in the morning...between Tuesday and Wednesday.  We were exhausted, but we were glad to be here.  Also, we were able to go to our landlord´s house, which is a stone´s throw away, to get our key.  She is one of the coolest people I´ve ever met.  ...and she´s HOT!  hahahaha.  But seriously, she´s wonderful.  We parked the Penske truck in our driveway, and Joel unloaded his car (meaning that he took it off the hitch so we could drive it a block away, it was still full of stuff, if I remember correctly).  We drove over to the Wildflandertin residence, at which point we slept for a few hours.

Day 2:

We woke up in the morning and headed back over to our place, where we started to unload.  Thankfully a couple of Joel´s friends were able to help (thank you for all of your help, Julian and Justin!).  Since they unpacked like men, I unpacked like a woman, and started putting things away.  We got some pizza, and the boys went to go ride their motorcycles.  I remained at home and put more stuff away.  I was very determined to have everything out of boxes before we went to bed that night.  Also, we realized that the couch that we had dragged all the way across the country would not fit into our place...so we now had another mission: couch find.

Day 3:  (I think this happened on day three anyway)

Aligator yum yum!

We did more housey things...I think???  and we went out to eat at a Louisiana-style restaurant.  We had aligator and other various things.  It was super delic, and we got to hang out with Julian, Yesenia (our landlord) and Jusin.  Julian graciously bought our meal for a ¨welcome to San Francisco¨ type thing.  It was very greatly appreciated.  

Day 4:  Friday.

We went out to a bar on Friday night.  ...we went to a bar the same night the earthquakes happened anyway.  ...and I´m farily certain that the events coincide sequentially with what happens in my brain.  Again, I´m not really sure when all of this happened.  I feel like I´ve been here for a few months already, and it hasn´t even been an entire week.  I´m just thankful that we are done driving.  The journey was arduous, but we endured.  Also, one of these days we went to get rid of the couch.  We forgot that Craigslist existed until we had already brought the thing to the dump and paid PAID twenty-nine dollars (AMERICAN!) to have it disposed of.  Fuck.  FUCK.

Day 5:  Saturday

We went to a party at some dude´s house.  It was all fun and lovely and such...until I became ¨that girl¨ and got all drunk and threw up off the balcony.  Ah.  Life.  I wasn´t sure I was going to make it.  I also got to meet some really great people that night.  ...and I even got a lap dance by the person whose birthday it was.  yay!  ...and I rode the Bart for the first time...actually, I got a little motion sickness on it (this was before I was schwasted).

Day 6:  Sunday

I was hungover.  I think we got our couch then. The roads here haven´t been terribly difficult to navigate, so it has all worked itself out pretty well.  It´s pretty much like the red couch I used to own (for those of you who remember the red couch) except a little shorter and a little fatter.  ...and WAY hunter green.  I´m so happy to be settling in.

Day 7:  Monday.

WE GOT RID OF THE PENSKE TRUCK!!!  NO MORE TRUCK!!!  I was happy to see it go.  Now we have a driveway to park in...we would have a garage, too, but it´s full of stuff and TWO motorcycles. ...I would like to take this moment to clarify that I, personally, own exactly zero motorcycles.  ...but I would love to learn how to ride them.




There are a few more things that have been happening, but I can´t remember when they happened.  We´ve gone to Ikea a couple of times...which is about five minutes from here.  I thought that we were SOOO close to everything in Cincy, but that´s NOTHING compared to the literally FIVE minutes we are away from literally everything.  It´s so convenient.  Everything here is so lush.  I´ll take more pictures soon and post them.  For now, no pictures.  I want everything to be in its place first.  THEN pictures will be taken.

Baba Ganoush.  Eaten at the middle eastern place.

Mr. Zach Wilder also helped me to experience some of the city.  He brought me bicycle shopping.  I´m not sure how I feel about owning a bicycle.  I´m certain that I haven´t ridden one since I was about ten... except for when he made me ride a couple to test them out.  I´m gonna think about that one for a bit.  ALSO, he showed me where a great middle eastern place is.  It was very yummy (thanks for the experience, Zach!)!

I feel very grateful to have a couple of people here who are willing to show me things and include me.  I owe them a lot.  They´re definitely making this move here a lot easier.  I just need to find a job now.  I´ve been looking.  If anyone knows anyone in the bay area.  ...you know.  I knit a mean scarf. ....or whatever.  Just, if you know someone, you should put in a good word.  It would be appreciated.

I remember joking with Joel before the move out here that I wish I could just pick a couple of songs and have a montage of the trip.  Now I feel like my memory of the journey is JUST that...a montage...with a few things that i remember...but I definitely felt like a pioneer...out on the Oregon Trail.

The Great Migration West...MANIFEST DESTINY!!!

Day 1:

We left on our journey yesterday morning.  We were showered, clean, and had rosy visions of how California would be.  Our spirits were up, and our caffeine intake levels were low, but we didn´t need any drugs to enhance our motivation to leave.

I´m really happy that we´ve had such good maps...not that anything has been diffcult, except for my trying to figure out the stupid toll roads (btw, FUCK YOU, OKLAHOMA!).  Joel drove SOOOOO far yesterday.  I think that today we might try a little bit differently.  Currently, we are in Elk City, Oklahoma.  I think we made it here around 4:00 AM local time (which is CT for those of you who aren´t familiar with time zones).

We have gone through a few cities so far...We left Cincinnati, and decided to go south, so our first city was (I think) Louisville, KY.  Next we drove through St Louis, MO which has the gateway to the west.  Although I´m fairly certain the Oregon Trail (after conducting a tiny bit of research) started in Independence, MO, and that we´re more on a ¨Grapes of Wrath¨ kind of trail, I still can´t help but thinking about the Oregon Trail and all of the little scenarios in it.  Oh gosh, childhood games that were full of learning.

We have also gone through Tulsa, Oklahoma City, and I think that´s it so far for major cities.  Our next stop is Amarillo, TX.  I´m really looking forward to seeing a few states that I haven´t seen in ages and places that I´ve never been.  You can definitely feel free to text either Joel or me, since we have a lot of time to do nothing.  Also, I´ve (hopefully) uploaded some pictures onto Facebook, so you can see our journey!  Also, I will try to be this ambitious tomorrow with more updates.  We´ll see how life goes.  Wish us luck, and whatnot.  

Those who matter the most will be there.

Preparation for moving has taken a lot out of me.  I have become perodically nostalgic and somewhat reminiscent about things.  When I go places or interact with people, I strain my senses to hold on to the interaction so that it will stay with me for a few moments longer, or so that I can remember whatever transpired with greater accuracy.  I feel more like I´m wearing my emotions on the outside and I feel so much less reserved.  It´s something I can´t just control right now, which is entirely frustrating...I feel like I don´t have time to be restrained and I don´t have time to hold back.

My person has some semblance of how I was, I know I´ve changed. It´s as though sculptors have chiseled at my stubbornness and closed eyes with such contancy that I´m becoming broken down so that I can actually just blink.

We had a going away party last night...a last hurrah for Cincinnati.  Really, the entire day was wonderful.  I got to spend one on one time with a few people and I got to have drinks with good friends.   Everyone who needed to be there was.  My heart was happy and my spirit was high...and I was very drunk.

I got my tattoo finished.  The monster is completed. ...and now that I think about it, I´m pretty sure I could bullshit some symbolism into it. ...maybe I´m kind of a monster, albeit a very adorable one. 

A dear friend observed that I like to give people chances.  I would like ot take this opportunity to express to everyone that I have sought revenge exactly twice, and have received justice once (not justice for one of the incidents...as they were meticulously calculated based on the situation and the greatest possible satisfaction that could be had by them).  They were three separate incidents.  I will briefly describe my feelings involved with the incidents.  And no, I will not divulge the stories of these, since they are not important.  What is important is what the recipients of each of these actions feels.  Though, I would like to clarify that I do not think that these people needed to be ¨taught a lesson¨ or other such nonsense.  Also, I do not regret any of them.  I do not think they were unfair, and I am no judge, but I have done what I have done.  

The first incident of revenge was administered because of something that happened to a friend.  I feel like it happened because my perception was that my friend wasn´t strong enough or smart enough to know what was happening to them.  I did it because I was upset with what kept happening to my friend as a result of the lies and deceit happening to someone I cared for.  I´m not quite sure why I keep defending myself.  This revenge took quite a while to happen.  I don´t remember at this point exactly how long this whole process took...over a year and perhaps up to two. 

Alex Pardee “Scratches & Abrasions”

The other revenge happened to befall a human as a reprocussion for both crossing and lying to me.  An incident that made me feel insecure and like such a fool for letting someone trick me into trusting.  I think that getting back at that person was more like a way for me to get back at the act of trusting and the act of deceit at the same time.  This took a considerably shorter amount of time to figure out, but it took a while to exact.  ...The timing with what happened when it did was fantastic.  I felt relieved and I am glad that it happened how it did.  I did not physically mar anyone, and I did not break anyone.  I´m glad that I have found methods for these mentally deranged thoughts to manifest and transpire. 

And justice, well.  Justice was served, but that´s something that´s always tainted with pain for everyone involved.  Justice takes blood spilled and puts it on the hands of everyone involved.  I will walk through life with a stain on my person because of it.  I do not wear a scarlet letter, and have not been physically maimed.  Rather, I have been maimed and though I´m sure I have the ability to repair whatever is broken, I´m too busy avoiding and repressing.  Healthy? No. Lackadaisical? Yes.  Maybe whatever it is isn´t actually broken.  I´m not a doctor.  I have no idea. 

I´ll miss the sound of the train in my dreams.

I haven´t written anything in a while.  ...I think.  I´ve been so busy gthat I haven´t even kept track of anything.  As I´ve been taking inventory of things I own and things to be done, I realized that there were some things on my mind that needed to be expelled...or at least expressed.

The biggest thing that has happened to me lately...is the event that has rendered me car-less.  I brought my vehicle to the mechanic early one morning this week.  ...it was so early that the coldness clung to me.  When I arrived at the mechanic, I set myself to reading...and was later summoned by the mechanic to come take a look at my car.  ...there were tire bits that had melted off and stuck together to form a peak in one of the wheel wells...the wheel that belonged there was down to the metal stripping (or whatever it´s called.  I was unaware of its existence in wheels to begin with).  ...and that was just one wheel.

The mechanic was very nice in his dealings with me.  He gently told me that they would not let me drive the car because it was not safe.  I then told him that I had planned on not bringing it to California with me anyway, since I wasn´t sure it could make it...and the mood in the whole room lightened.  ...I´m fairly certain that the mechanic and his comrades thought I would start screaming or crying, since I´m a woman.  ...but I just smiled and told him it was okay.

My roommate graciously took time out of his schedule to sell my car for me.  I didn´t have to do anything.  I am very thankful for his existence sometimes...and by sometimes I mean all of the time.  I will miss my car, though. ...RIP Coche.

Also, my roommate taught me how to drive a manual last night.  In the rain.  ...I was terrible, but we didn´t die.  I´m thanking him again at this point...but for all of his patience at this point.  ...and I didn´t break his car.  ...that would be a nightmare.  I´m smarter than that.

Tomorrow  I´m getting my tattoo finished...It feel weird to have something that is starting to resemble a sleeve...And I´m really excited that I´ve had the opportunity to be worked on by such a great tattoo artist.  He has such a light touch and such an understanding of my ramblings and vague descriptions of the creatures I want on my body.

Tomorrow we are also having a going away party.  I feel like this brings a sense of closure and renewal and all of the things planned for tomorrow are aimed at keeping a solid look forward, or at least in the right direction.  i am beginning to get very nervous about going, but I feel like moving always brings this anxiety.  I think that my strength lies in knowing that everything will ultimately be fine, that everything has been planned well and at the end of the day, as long as I have a bed to sleep in or a blanket to lie under I´ll be fine.

I´m really glad to have had the opportunity to live so many places in my life.  I´m thankful that I´ve gotten to meet some extraordinary people and do some interesting things.  There have definitely been changes to my person over these six months in Cincinnati (mostly to my palette and my left arm, and the change of going from driver to pedestrian).  I´m really incredibly excited for the things that California will bring (hopefully a really smart, tall boy with tattoos and good taste in music).  And who knows...maybe I´ll paint some things and send them back to you, reader.  

When I think of a monster, I think of extra limbs and weird proportions

I went upstairs for the first time in a long time.  I had two purposes for going up there...actually three.  My first purpose was to have a cigarette.  It´s nice outside, so it´s definitely worth it to go places where the climate is not moderated by a thermostat.  My second was to collect a few pieces of art and to figure out what to finish and what to dispose of.  ...I didn´t really accomplish much of this.  My third task was singing.  I got up on the stage and sang to a room full of chairs and rugs...a room with wood floors and dim lights.  I sang with emotion and with great volume.  ...and I sang to no one.  Maybe someday I´ll sing for people.

I feel like I´m finally beginning to be able to find myself around town with ease.  ...and each time that I´m proud of myself for finding something with little to no GPS assistance, I realize that it´s all for nothing.  Each little bubble of excitement is popped by the knowledge that I have less than a month left here.  BAH!

I went to get a haircut yesterday.  It was the most I´ve ever spent on a haircut and I was dissatisfied with it, as usual.  It wasn´t only the fact that I don´t like how it turned out...it was how the woman talked to me...how I got to hear all about how she´s a lesbian and she can express herself creatively by cutting hair.  ...I mean, if you´re going to express yourself creatively, maybe you should be halfway fucking good at what you do...or be in some type of training program.  ...No.  She had been doing it for four years.  ...but I would also like to say that I have only ever been happy with ONE haircut that I´ve ever received.

Speaking of working on being better creatively, I have been painting.  ...I hope to paint a lot this week.  I feel like I have a lot on my ¨to do¨ list right now.  I have already begun to accomplish the tasks on this list.  I´m so happy to have an easel to paint on. ...I got one for Christmas from a dear friend...it´s one of those things...I remember asking for one from my mom...and not getting one...and I didn´t give this friend any Christmas ideas, and...I couldn´t ask for anything better.  How does someone just know someone like that?  I´m sure it wasn´t intentional...that this friend just thought it was a good idea for a gift... I didn´t realize that there was stuff in the easel I received either...and the fact that my friend also got me extra canvases...just...I know you´ll read this friend...and you have no idea how much it meant to me.  ...thinking about it now still makes me all teary.

My health is finally almost normal.  I have had a few really intense bouts of dizziness lately, but otherwise, I´m in good health (maybe getting slapped around isn´t always fun HA!).  For this, I´m thankful.  I know that these paragraphs aren´t oganized very well, but I´m not organizing or typing anything serious...so I´m just going to keep going.  I started another tattoo.  I have to wait a week and a half to get it finished.  FUCK!  In a week and a half...I´ll have a week of work left before moving (oh help me, jonny craig!).  The thought frightens me.  I´m not sure what is left to do before packing...I have a few ideas, but...I just want everything to be packed...and I need to get a bed.  I NEED A BED! fuck!  ...but I´m kind of excited to go shopping for one.

I went to Benihana tonight.  It was delicious.  A friend of mine went, too...and we sat with a family and a couple. ...it was fun.  ...and delicious.  If you haven´t heard of it...it´s a hibachi grill...yum yum!  I got steak...because let´s face it...I love me some fuckin cow.  And although I do not like shrimp or mushrooms, I did eat some...just because they´re some of those foods that every once in a while I question myself...¨I can´t really NOT like this, can I?¨  ...and then I taste it...and am reminded that I do not like these things.  I can eat onion JUST...but not mushrooms...or shrimp.  yuck.  PS, why the fuck is Barbara Streisand on the Grammys...or whatever award show that is???  Weird.


But I am going for now, since someone is coming over to play some videogames.  I hope I have some snacks lying around in case...

I Would be Nothing Without Autotune.

Panic! At the Disco is playing.  ...they would be nothing without the exclamation mark.  Some songs remind me of videogames.  Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks reminds me of Turtles in Time...when they are in the time of dinosaurs.  Bank of America hold music reminds me of The Magic School bus. ...why? I'm not sure.

My brain is full of a lot of broken files...I wish I could re-format it...and re-organize how things are put.  I want it orderly.  If I keep filling it, perhaps it will render me incapable of caring, or perhaps it will auto-correct itself in order to find space for the things I want there.  

Another new start.  Another new start.  I don't want a new start...I want a continuation of a journey.  I'm happy to know that I've done so many things in my life already, and I'm so young...each wrinkle I get will have a story...until I iron the shit out of them with plastic surgery.  My cheek piercing is causing me to get wrinkles by my eye.  Fuck em.  

I'm currently waiting for my external hard drive to take on all of my music files. ...and all of my other information currently stored on my computer.  1TB seems like enough.  This isn't a plug for the hard drive, but goddamn I'm stoked.  ...but I'm miffed about its arrival.  The USPS man left it by the mailbox, which...as (almost) none of you know...is outside and just a few rectangular boxes attached to a building.  I should write a letter.  But I have no time, nor stamps....or a printer.  I'm sure I could email them and express my disdain for their haphazard handling of my precious.  

I don't really dress that well, and this I know.  I can't stand for when other people dress terribly though. ...well, certain people.  If you have a personality that affords for you to dress frumpy because you have such an awesome personality, it's okay...but if you dress like a fairy and dress like an idiot.  If someone is wearing jeans and a tutu, and a giant fucking bow....you'd better be the hottest girl out there. ...and adorable.  ...and probably weigh 90 lbs (or ninety libras)...and probably be going to a Halloween party where it's cold.  Actually, I tried to find a picture of jeans and tutus together for all of you, but...there aren't any...this is a sign. 

Also, can we talk for a second about Jonny Craig?  If you don't know who he is, he's an amazing vocalist...you can check him out in Emarosa or Dance Gavin Dance.  There are some good vocalists out there, for sure..but he stands out, for sure.  It's not only the fact that his voice is good...it's the emotion he puts into it.  So much soul and emotion would be such a burden.  

Jesús

Jonny

I should be putting together a "Move Mix" for our journey across the country.  I'm happy that my moving buddy (since everyone needs a moving buddy) has the same taste in music (more or less) that I do.  ...this will make things easier...and the fact that we actually get along.  Thank you, Jebus...actually, since Jonny Craig and Jesus Christ have the same initials, I'm going to try my damndest to replace all of my "jesus" moments with "Johnny".  ....maybe.  I'll ponder the potential consequences of this.  

I want to make some goals.  Not like resolutions...I'm not really sure the point of resolutions.  They I feel like they're the only goals set that are acceptable to abandon, by design.  I'm not on that bandwagon.  ...Soooo...I want to try food from at least two other cultures (that I haven't already tried).  I'm not sure what's out there...but I'm sure I won't have a problem fulfilling this.  I also want to be more social.  When I move, I need to make an effort to find friends.  I feel as though I could've tried harder here.  ...instead of just letting things happen, maybe I could have made some more effort.  So as this stint winds down, and things are settled and figured out...I wish to reflect on what I've done here and devise how to improve in my next location.  Also, I don't want to move for a while.  I haven't lived anywhere for over a year in my adult life (I'm a month and a half shy of 24, for those of you who don't know).  ...that might be nice.  

I would also like to mention one more thing before I...sign off for this episode.  I want to say that it's never good to keep those lingering questions without their answers.  If those answers are in other people, find them.  ...or something.  

Deuces

((**big, deep breaths. big, deep breaths...**))

It's been a minute since I last wrote anything.  This is going to be sloppy and poorly written...there's your notice.  I feel as though concurrently so much and so little has happened that I'm not really sure what to write.  I will definitely try to summarize all that is going on...but we'll see how this goes.

This picture has no purpose.  I just saw it and thought it was hilarious.  God I love being right.

Currently, the pro bowl is on.  I don't much care about the pro bowl.  Also, I'm listening to Escape the Fate's album...Escape the Fate.  I hate it.  It's somewhat reminiscent of some older Linkin Park...mixed with...actually, I'm not sure.  But whatever it is, I hate it.  Just like I hate Kill Hannah's latest album...I can't think of the title right now.  When a band starts sucking, it makes me just wonder...have they been this bad all along and I just didn't know it?  Am I just being too judgmental?  I want it to just be me. ...I usually listen a few times, only to have my initial impressions confirmed.  They usually suck.  And I am upset.  I usually have to break up with the band, only to have a few more times of listening randomly while reminiscing of a time when they had my heart.  One thing I *do* know is that I am currently in love with Emarosa.  LOVE them.  ...in probably an unhealthy way.

I am currently thinking about getting another tattoo.  I want to do this soon...since I will soon be poor for the rest of my life...or so I feel anyway.  UUuuuuugh.  I feel incredibly stressed.  I might be calming down, but a giant amount of stress still exists.  The reason for this?  Well...all in due time.  I will first kind of update people on what is going on in my life...or what has happened since the last time I wrote a blog.

So, I have been sick for literally the entire year.  I have a cough still, and am still getting dizzy, though the amount of dizziness has definitely dwindled a bit.  Thank god for those Meclizine, or my life would suck way more.  I've been to Urgent Care, the emergency room, and the Dr's office this year already.  Everyone tells me I'm fine.  The doctors were just good at giving me some pills.  Super.  Duper.  I just want to be healthy.  Does anyone know a medicine man?  Maybe they can heal me.  ...or a shaman.  Maybe one of those.  I digress.

Joel had surgery on his tummy, so while he was gone (he was not at our apartment for about a week or so.  I got incredibly bored.).  I did what any good woman would do: I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom....or rather bottom to as far as I could reach.  The place not only looked *fabulous* but it smelled good.  I feel as though that was time spent wasting time.

I went shopping at a place called the "Florence Y'all" (actually the Florence Mall, but they had had it painted on a water tower, and had to change it, so now it says "Florence Y'all" instead.  weird, I know...I don't ask questions.  I simply accept it).  I bought a lot of new clothing, which I needed.  I've definitely lost weight here...about 25lbs.  ...so nothing fit.  I still have most of my clothing from before, just nothing fits.  fail.  It doesn't even matter.  I do have some new clothing.

I am currently saving as much money as I possibly can.  I plan on going to visit René in June and I am moving to California in March.  We'll see how all that goes.  This is why I  am stressed.  If anyone wants to donate to the "Meah Knight fund" you're more than welcome.  I'll even give you my address!  Just kidding.  I'll be fine.  I've been looking for jobs.   I really don't have much shit to pack, either.

I haven't really done anything else...I don't think.  I'm brushing up on my Spanish so that I can hopefully get a job being bi-lingual (hopefully I can trick them into thinking that I'm fluent) in Spanish/English.  I've been putting it on all of the résumés I've submitted, so...hopefully that won't make me a liar.  We DO have a place to live though...I am happy that this part is already done.  If anyone knows anyone who lives in the SF Bay area, please tell them I'm coming, and ask them to show me around...or just give their number to me, and I'll ask.

Well, I'm not really sure what else to put on here.  I'm too sick to be emo and I have too much on my mind to write about anything of value.  So...this is it.  Happy blog and whatnot.  Also, I hope that everyone has a happy Bearduary! 

My world keeps spinning round and round

I'm not sure if I've watched Star Wars too much lately, or if I've been slapped around too much lately, but what I *do* know is that I've felt dizzy since Saturday evening (it is now Wednesday).  I went to urgent care yesterday and they told me that I'm fine.  I don't think that I'm fine.  I feel like such a damsel right now.

I'm really happy right now, except for the whole "I'm sick and feel yucky" thing.  I keep having dreams about the zombie apocalypse.  It always brings on such other thoughts such as:

Which of the people I know would die?
Where would I go in case of such an emergency?
Do I personally know how to obtain enough weaponry or how to use such?
How would I be useful in a post-technology world?

The first question can be answered by two factors.  The first one consists of: who do I know who possesses qualities that I perceive to be hero-like?  I can think of a couple of people.  Having those traits, however, will not guarantee that someone will survive the ZA.  The second part of this is: who is either incredibly lucky?  I feel like if you're not a hero, you should get some good luck charms now, so that when it happens, you don't have to be the hero.  ...because we know that if you're a hero, you'll be tested and if you're just lucky, you'll always find a place to hide.

In case of an emergency, well...I'm not really sure.  I haven't quite figured this one out.  I would want to go somewhere incredibly rural, but I feel like when I make it there, the dumb hillbillies who reside there will a) just be getting the disease and b) be dumb hillbillies and not know how to properly respond.  This is where "luck" comes into play for them.  ...though idiocy may be a part of that luck.  I *do* know that hillbillies will kill the fuck out of zombies once they know that they're zombies.  ...not that I expect them to know how to spell the word.  But their ammo should be sufficient.

I believe that I would obtain enough weaponry if I can map out a few gun/ammo shops on my way to rural areas...or if I can loot some in the city before I go to the hillbilly places.  (PS, I'm definitely open to the "places" portion, as long as it can be justified by some logic).  I feel like more people than I know have guns, and I even happen to know a few people who pack heat.  I just need enough to be safe until I can get my own stash.  Then I can be like Tanya from Command and Conquer.  And no, I will not hold back.  I will kill zombies.  This is not like murder, because they're already dead.  For anyone who has any sort of thoughts towards them other than "you gon' die," then you are neither a hero nor lucky.  You will die of shock while being consumed by a zombie.  Then I will kill you again, mother fucker.

I would be all sorts of useful in post-technology world.  I'm a domestic freak.  I can wash dishes, actually I'm confident that I could make dishes.  I'm also confident that if I had some livestock, I could spin thread and make clothing as well.  No big.  I know how to cook and clean and...well, this isn't an application for eHarmony, so I'll stop trying to sell myself.

I'm not sure why I've been thinking about this so much, or why my brain seems to keep having such thoughts about zombies.  Maybe there really IS something wrong with me.  Wouldn't it be a bitch to be the person who starts the ZA?  The one person who becomes "the one" who infects that person and starts everything?  I doubt I would ever have to worry about the ZA, but in case I do, I know that I have at least thought a little bit about this.

The fire-breathing wasn't like this, but I liked
this picture a lot.  

I don't even know what else to talk about on here.  I had a good New Year's Eve.  I've had like one drink since Friday night...I got to see my roommate's parents get married on New Year's Day...which was nice.  I want so badly to draw or paint right now...but I have no energy.  I also really want to shower, but that might not happen either.  Wish me luck, reader.  OH!  There's a new bartender across the street and his name is...Curtis.  He is like half Irish or something?  I realize that this shouldn't be confusing but it's not as relevant as this next part.  We (a bunch of people, don't ask me who. if you weren't there, then you don't know everyone anyway) went out on...Thursday night to the bar and met this new bartender, with his un-American accent.  He gave us a fire show at the bar. ...by using some 151.  He lit his hand on fire (after it was covered in the 151) and blew fire out of his mouth to create a fire-breathing effect.  I believe that the most basic of instincts in us all was fascinated.  Fuck.  It was amazing.  We were all very excited.  If you aren't excited about that, then you're probably a dick, ergo not a hero, which means you better be feeling lucky when the ZA comes.  ...because you gon' die, mother fucker.

Oh, a small final note.  I *finally* received my cigarette holders, so now I feel all sorts of classy when I smoke.  The one that I use the most says "Zeus" on it.  How BADASS is that?  Anyway.  I need to get back to resting now, and going on webmd so it can tell me all of the absurd things that I *may* have.  Probably something wrong with my liver and I'm going to die or whatever.  Thanks, Urgent care.  You're all dicks.