When you have something profound come into your mind, you should write it down to not forget.

Coming to visit Iowa and South Dakota and seeing all of the people I left behind has been a very positive experience, even if some of the events that have taken place have been somewhat crazy.  I feel like this sojourn has come at the right time in my life.

Visiting here feels somewhat surreal.  Perhaps it's merely residual effects that I'm experiencing, but the walls that once sat so rigid and hollow now feel like they have depth and are living and maybe even breathing.

I like being reminded that people care about me and do miss me.  I like that people still put up with my nonsensical way of life.  I like being reminded of who I am, even if someone has to fly across an ocean for my mind to recall it.  My heart feels so very full right now, and I just want to share its contents with everyone.

I hate being quiet.  I hate that some people know me as a quiet person...I recall a time when I was a child...in the fourth grade...and one of my teachers had a conference with my parents.  She expressed her concern with my being quiet.  I remember being perplexed and I remember the way my parents laughed when they talked about it.  How absurd!  I feel like that scenario is just the same right now.  It is absurd that people think that I am a quiet person.  How can someone who is so expressive be so quiet?  I recall that I am a juxtaposition of structure and chaos.  I don't mean chaos like people running around and fires burning.  I feel like my chaos is more like a maypole and a wild dance that expresses deep connectivity with everything around.  Perhaps that's not juxtaposition.  Perhaps that's more like the golden ratio.

Regardless.  I am being reminded every second of what I am...and it feels like a cosmic explosion.  And I feel happy.  I feel as though I do not need a complex multi-faceted word to describe that feeling.  I am simply happy.  ...and I would like to thank everyone...EVERYONE who is any way in contact with me...for bringing me to this point.  I have arrived with such excitement and clarity that I can hardly contain myself...so I must go out into the world to share this with everyone.

Eye-Ahhhhh-Wah

I am once again in Iowa...but only for a visit.  My dear, dear friend René is visiting from Germany (as I mentioned in other posts).  It feels very good to come back, because it further solidifies my feelings about not belonging here...but not in a negative way.

 I miss Cincinnati...the litter, the windy roads and not ever knowing where I'm actually going.  The only thing that I do NOT miss is the train going past every hour or so.  And perhaps that animosity was amplified to a new level today when I was in Sioux Falls...I heard a train and I felt very angry at it.  ...I was, after all, very hungover.  Lesson: the train is NOT my friend when I have been drinking.

The climate here is SOOOO different from that of Ohio.  It has been freezing here!  When I left Cincinnati, it was approximately ninety degrees, and here it has been in the sixties or seventies, and it has also been very rainy.  I DO miss the rain.

I went out last night to the Pocket in Sioux Falls.  They had dollar beers, as they do often.  I did enjoy one of those dollar beers.  Yes. Enjoyed it.  ...as I imbibed I did intake one drink of beer, then one of my sex on the beach.  One of the members of our party was thrown out of the bar, due to incidents that happened the prior evening.  We weren't upset, we simply moved our party to the bar next door, and still had a lot of fun.  Afterwards, we went to go socialize at a friend's house, where the night became somewhat interesting.  I had a very good time.

I feel like this friend visiting me is happening at the perfect time in my life.  I have been trying to be more open lately, and I am incredibly communicative with him.  I have no secrets from him, and nothing to hide...not that I do from anyone else, but it is incredibly easy for me to talk to him.  His wisdom (as per my perception) and insight into many dealings with life and emotions have given me perspective on many things, and I know that I will be processing this data and trying to use it to its fullest extent for a long while to come.

I still feel hungover now.  I feel like I need to sleep because I have a scratchy throat.  I hope that I do not get sick.  That would not be conducive to a good time.  So for now, I will try to let my brain open itself up and dust off the ideas and imagination that I have been keeping on a shelf.  I will use these old references to compile a new chapter that is fresh with ideas and growth based on everything.  But for now, I will go to sleep and stay cuddled under my blankets so that I do not freeze to death.