I know better than to believe in anything except breathing and a little bit of booze.

I was going to write to you about my religious beliefs.  I feel like that's boring, and you don't need to know about that...unless you want to know, in which case we can have a conversation in person.

Tomorrow is definitely the office Christmas party.  I'm not sure where it's located, or really when it starts.  The only thing that I know about it is that there is an open bar, and that I will be going with an open fist (<--beer, please?).  I do wish that I had some girl friends to get ready with.  I definitely don't keep many girls in my life, but I don't think that I've ever been without those few with whom I interacted on a regular basis. My life is very man-filled right now.  Oh, and the few girls who do occasionally grace my life represent the reasons I resent my gender.  I mean, I'm glad that I get to be a girl and blah blah blah.  ...and I realize that I'm not the most intelligent or most amazing person in the world, but fuckin...come on, can girls be more interesting?

Now that I'm done with that rant...I just had a thought...if Jesus were real, would he bring back other zombies?  I mean...would *that* be the zombie apocalypse?  If a zombie apocalypse would happen...I would want an herb garden...and a regular garden. ...I want...tobacco and pot. ...that way I can feel more badass about shooting zombies (the cigarette) and then afterwards, to settle down from what transpired, I would want a joint.  The thing that really worries me about the zombie apocalypse is that they would stop making my contact lenses.  ...I think about the places that I would like to loot...One of them would be a contact lense factory. ...and I would hoard the shit out of contacts...in my prescription and a few randos, too, in case my eyes got better or worse.  Now that I think about it, I'm not sure where else I would go. ...lie.  I would get like...a janitor suit...and a baseball bat...and I would go to a liquor store...or a spaghetti sauce aisle...and just...knock everything down.  And yes, of course I would be wearing goggles, fuckin...I'm already worried about my ocular health.  Shit.  But, definitely.  I would break the shit out of things.  I would throw bottles at the ground as hard as I could.  I would probably NOT play loud music, as much as I would love to...because we all know that zombies would hear  that and playtime would be over.

I read a few articles about possibilities today (<--yeah, that sounded cheesy).  Actually, the articles were more about the future.  I've been reading so many science articles lately.  I'm sad that it took me 20+ years to realize that I love science.  It's not too late to learn about it, it's just going to be a little more difficult and specialized than if I had taken it in school.  ...but with every moment of learning, with every page that turns, every oxygen-filled breath that blesses my brain with life to continue reading...I feel like my knowledge is reduced tenfold.

I still wish I had an old typewriter.    Not that I'm asking for one. ...It would probably be really awesome for ten minutes and then I would be bored.  In the event of the ZA (zombie apocalypse.  I've decided that I'm probably going to continuously talk about this forever, so the abbreviation is important) I will also hoard shoes.  Well, ammo/guns, but that's a given.  Duh.

I would like to talk to some of you readers.  ...Not all of you...but some of you, yes.  I thought about making Christmas cards or just buying some...or making an annoying letter (with a picture of me in a Christmas sweater standing next to a Christmas so there was no question about what I celebrate in December) telling everyone about my year.  I feel like this year so far can be summed up in one sentence, "Play like a champion."  Oh, and, "...'Till I see your monkey ass drop.  ...and let your 'homies' know who done it...cuz when it comes to this gangsta shit you mother fuckers know who 'done' it..."

I'll Never Sit Back And Say, "That'll do..."

I sometimes wish i wrote on a typewriter.  I feel as though this would make things more authentic.  I really appreciate the juxtaposition of old and new...an old typewriter next to the computer...or an antique typewriter that would transmit to my computer...yes, please.  I wish that I could make my own computer. ...and as ridiculous and non-sensical as it would seem, it would be attractive and there would be something about it that would make it far more useful and magical than other computers.

I've done so much since last I wrote!  I went shopping.  ...and I actuallly shopped.  I looked at a few places on a whim, and I found some fun things to purchase!  I did buy a lot of art supplies.  a LOT of art supplies...so I am now working on a painting.  I may or may not have pictures eventually...I seem to have mis-placed my camera. ...and I'm not sure whether or not it has made its way across the country.  I'm not concerned, just curious.  I hope that  I find it...and soon.  I also got a really amazing poster in the mail (finally) on Saturday.  ...so I got a frame for it.  It says (in Russian) religion is poison...and on the right, there's a building that says (also in Russian) school.  It is an old propaganda poster from the CCCP, or USSR, if you will.

I've had a really tough couple of weeks, physically.  I've been sick and not feeling well, and I've no doubt that it's all related.  I thought that I was going to die on Friday.  ...my body hurt so badly that I would have been okay with death, I'm pretty sure.  ...as a result of all of this (no, I do not have any sort of diseases that you're not aware of or....anything like that. ...not that I'M aware of anyway) I plan on going to the doctor soon...hopefully (if I can remember to schedule a visit and if they have time) in the next couple of weeks.

 I feel like all of my positive energy has been drained from my body...not that I have been left with anything negative...I just feel kind of empty and lonely.  ...ugh loneliness.  I've been trying to pinpoint the feeling all day...and I've come down to the possibility of loneliness and possibly still not feeling 100% better.  ...probably a mix of the two.  ...but if I'm lonely, it doesn't make sense to me.  Why do I want companionship?  I'm not talking about just being alone all of the time, because I'm not...unless I try to be.  I'm not sure why I'm analyzing this via blog. ...I don't care that you know, reader.  I'm not keeping things from you...not that I tell you everything, but really?  This is how I'm feeling.  ...and in the mouths of the closest things that we can have to spartans lie the words, "it is what it is..." and that, quite frankly, is all.

I'm not sure what else to say, so...I guess that means that my blog should be over for now. ...I may decide to take a break from writing for a little bit to focus on other things (not like blogging takes much time or anything)...I am definitely losing track of some of the things I would like to do...such as studying and reading and more art development.  I can't be a good painter or artist if I don't keep working at it.  SO!  One day at a time...and I'll keep fighting for it.  ...indefinitely.