The Great Migration West...MANIFEST DESTINY!!!

Day 1:

We left on our journey yesterday morning.  We were showered, clean, and had rosy visions of how California would be.  Our spirits were up, and our caffeine intake levels were low, but we didn´t need any drugs to enhance our motivation to leave.

I´m really happy that we´ve had such good maps...not that anything has been diffcult, except for my trying to figure out the stupid toll roads (btw, FUCK YOU, OKLAHOMA!).  Joel drove SOOOOO far yesterday.  I think that today we might try a little bit differently.  Currently, we are in Elk City, Oklahoma.  I think we made it here around 4:00 AM local time (which is CT for those of you who aren´t familiar with time zones).

We have gone through a few cities so far...We left Cincinnati, and decided to go south, so our first city was (I think) Louisville, KY.  Next we drove through St Louis, MO which has the gateway to the west.  Although I´m fairly certain the Oregon Trail (after conducting a tiny bit of research) started in Independence, MO, and that we´re more on a ¨Grapes of Wrath¨ kind of trail, I still can´t help but thinking about the Oregon Trail and all of the little scenarios in it.  Oh gosh, childhood games that were full of learning.

We have also gone through Tulsa, Oklahoma City, and I think that´s it so far for major cities.  Our next stop is Amarillo, TX.  I´m really looking forward to seeing a few states that I haven´t seen in ages and places that I´ve never been.  You can definitely feel free to text either Joel or me, since we have a lot of time to do nothing.  Also, I´ve (hopefully) uploaded some pictures onto Facebook, so you can see our journey!  Also, I will try to be this ambitious tomorrow with more updates.  We´ll see how life goes.  Wish us luck, and whatnot.  

I´ll miss the sound of the train in my dreams.

I haven´t written anything in a while.  ...I think.  I´ve been so busy gthat I haven´t even kept track of anything.  As I´ve been taking inventory of things I own and things to be done, I realized that there were some things on my mind that needed to be expelled...or at least expressed.

The biggest thing that has happened to me lately...is the event that has rendered me car-less.  I brought my vehicle to the mechanic early one morning this week.  ...it was so early that the coldness clung to me.  When I arrived at the mechanic, I set myself to reading...and was later summoned by the mechanic to come take a look at my car.  ...there were tire bits that had melted off and stuck together to form a peak in one of the wheel wells...the wheel that belonged there was down to the metal stripping (or whatever it´s called.  I was unaware of its existence in wheels to begin with).  ...and that was just one wheel.

The mechanic was very nice in his dealings with me.  He gently told me that they would not let me drive the car because it was not safe.  I then told him that I had planned on not bringing it to California with me anyway, since I wasn´t sure it could make it...and the mood in the whole room lightened.  ...I´m fairly certain that the mechanic and his comrades thought I would start screaming or crying, since I´m a woman.  ...but I just smiled and told him it was okay.

My roommate graciously took time out of his schedule to sell my car for me.  I didn´t have to do anything.  I am very thankful for his existence sometimes...and by sometimes I mean all of the time.  I will miss my car, though. ...RIP Coche.

Also, my roommate taught me how to drive a manual last night.  In the rain.  ...I was terrible, but we didn´t die.  I´m thanking him again at this point...but for all of his patience at this point.  ...and I didn´t break his car.  ...that would be a nightmare.  I´m smarter than that.

Tomorrow  I´m getting my tattoo finished...It feel weird to have something that is starting to resemble a sleeve...And I´m really excited that I´ve had the opportunity to be worked on by such a great tattoo artist.  He has such a light touch and such an understanding of my ramblings and vague descriptions of the creatures I want on my body.

Tomorrow we are also having a going away party.  I feel like this brings a sense of closure and renewal and all of the things planned for tomorrow are aimed at keeping a solid look forward, or at least in the right direction.  i am beginning to get very nervous about going, but I feel like moving always brings this anxiety.  I think that my strength lies in knowing that everything will ultimately be fine, that everything has been planned well and at the end of the day, as long as I have a bed to sleep in or a blanket to lie under I´ll be fine.

I´m really glad to have had the opportunity to live so many places in my life.  I´m thankful that I´ve gotten to meet some extraordinary people and do some interesting things.  There have definitely been changes to my person over these six months in Cincinnati (mostly to my palette and my left arm, and the change of going from driver to pedestrian).  I´m really incredibly excited for the things that California will bring (hopefully a really smart, tall boy with tattoos and good taste in music).  And who knows...maybe I´ll paint some things and send them back to you, reader.  

A Dino Named Tito, and Other Various Things.-

I feel as though I must preface this entry with the fact that I am drunk.  I drank enough to make my body disagree with me, which is delightful in some ways.  Also, I must say that as vulgar as this sounds, Hot Chocolate + does NOT taste bad coming back up, thought it IS what put me over the edge.

A delightful few days I have been having.  And by few days, I mean a few weeks, and nothing less than a few months of discovery and many moments with my eyes wide open and my mouth shut for fear of losing a moment or two from memory and wasting them on words.

Tonight I went with a couple of people to one of the two bars across the street.  I drank many drinks...four or five-ish.  ...Pineapple Upside-Down Cake was the drink of choice (for all of those who inquire, you know who you are!).  I got lost in the citrus and sweetness.  I also had a meaningful, reflective conversation on the fire escape.  It seems like that humble place doesn't know its value.  It rests there in case of an emergency, but it allows for so many more things to happen, and supports us (or me) through it all.  It gives a wonderful view of Lockland, as well...which is such an easy transition for me.

I have been up to a few things lately!  I went shopping this past weekend.  I also have been letting my mouth cause some...excitement, for lack of better words.  I have been letting my drunken innocence set my sharp tongue free, and I have been mean to people who I let become the faces and catalysts for my aggression at the stereotypes that they so idiotically and proudly represent.

Thanksgiving is a day and a breath away.  I'm okay with that.  I will have cranberries, and AND my place of employment had a Thanksgiving of sorts.  I was not emotional at all about it.  ...though I may become so...we will see.  I'm trying to be aware so that my emotions cannot affect any of this.  ...but emotions are...natural, so I will deal with them in the most...rational way possible.  This sounds ridiculous, but alas, it is.

I feel as though so much joy exists in me right now.  I am listening to Postcards From Italy by Beirut and...I feel like with every staccato but full-knowing strum of the guitar, my happiness seeps out into the world and dances around to be shared with everyone.  EVERYONE.  Even the crazy people.  Even the ignorant people.  Even those who purposely do not do what they love.  Even them.

I went shopping last weekend!  It was a fun experience.  I feel like an ambassador for something every time I go out.  Random people always comment on my hair or on my tattoos, or have to share life stories with me.  I'm completely fine with that...I just feel as though I'm more aware of my actions then. ...not like when I'm drunk.  ...Then I can just freely tell people what I think about them.  ...not that I don't otherwise...Well.  I may have a little more tact when sober.  Whatevs.

I am in the process of making cinnamon rolls!  I have not made them for quite a while.  I feel like this is saying something about my comfort level in Cincinnati.  I feel good enough to share such a thing with the people about whom I care.  I wish could just deliver them to more people before they go bad!  We will see what happens.  I must wake up tomorrow.  ...which is today.  There is a show that I'm going to on Wednesday night!  It is the day before Thanksgiving and I am infinitely excited!  I'm not really sure if any of this blog will make sense, or entertain anyone.  ...but I have so much about which I wish to talk...and every time I go to write about it, it all seems to escape me and dance around me to entertain.  Blech!

Joey Votto is the Rookie of the Year or something baseball related.  That is my Cincinnati reference, other than the alcohol I have so generously donated to the sewer system by way of my mouth.  Tomorrow, I may have the bottle flu.  I'm okay with that.  I'm....okay with that.  The only things I wish that would exist in my life right now that don't are: a heated blanket.  Aladdin...I can't find my copy.  ...and maybe an extra meaningful hug now and then.  I'm getting far more hugs from people now than before.  ...I must be ninja-like and steal more!  ...I am in a very good place.  I am happy that I have had the opportunity to experience the things that I have here.  And...I thank everyONE who made that possible.  Thank you.  <3

Beirut.  Postards from Italy.  Most of you I'm sure won't be into it.  ...but you can check out my mood for this by listening to that.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I will not spend mine at Grandma's house with a traditional lunch and the hopes of Aunt Pam's gelatin dessert with fruit...or the Dallas Cowboys, who, by the way suck.  ...really?  REALLY?  They aren't good.  I heard someone refer to them as "America's football team"...if so, then it really IS a sign of where America is.  ...and those uniforms.  I digress.

Goodnight, good afternoon, and just...good lives to all. <3

Sad today...

I feel somewhat emotional again, and since it's about 2:30 AM, it's time for me to write another blog!!!

I will start with an update of what I've been up to, though I'm not really sure of its relevance. I...don't remember the last time I blogged...I believe I updated my weekend and whatnot...I have another interview, which I thought was scheduled for tomorrow (Tuesday) but I re-read the email, and it's actually on Thursday, so I will have to find something to occupy my time. UUUUGh I wish I could get to the art museum. There really is NO excuse for my not going as of yet. My excuse today was legit though, since I went to the laundromat.

Speaking of the laundromat, I would like to take this (probably going to be very long) paragraph to vent about people. SOOOOO ( I realize that I start a lot of things with that. It's amazing what writing will make you realize about yourself) I am not really sure what the opposite of "Jungle Fever" is, but old, creepy black men seem to have it for me. BAD!!! An old black guy at the laundromat was all over me like flies on shit. No siento como hay muchas personas por aqui quien me hace sentir tan comoda. Quiero que conocer mas personas, pero es tan dificil y no se por que. No hay razon. Me encanta hablar con extranjeros, pero solo por como unos pocos minutos, y despues puedo salir. creo que tengo problemas con compartirme con companeros. But, I digress. Where all the white men at? Not that I'm racist...but I probably am somewhat. Who isn't? If you think you aren't...then get off your fucking high horse, because you're lying to yourself. Actually, I just need a cuddle buddy right now...or even unos abrazos a veces, and I would definitely be a happy girl. Otherwise, my life has been boring since the last time I wrote, I think...because I can't remember anything else that I have done since then otherwise...

I told my roommate about my crazy church camp story tonight. AAaaaaah yes, the good old days of conservative sheep-ism. I've been looking at apartments and houses and all these different living places and I feel so overwhelmed. I mean, it's not really that hard, just find a place I like and move there, right? It's been so much more for me to think about...every time I've ever moved before, I've been able to say "hey, I can move with *this* friend or *that* friend, and it's going to be so much fun!" but moving right now (it isn't and has never been my plan to live with Joel forever...or for very long, for that matter) makes me think about a lot of things...

I think about whether or not I should move in with someone else or if I want my own place...If i move in with someone else, then I'm going to have to meet people, and it hasn't worked out for me so far to live with random people, but that doesn't mean that it can't work. It also makes me feel sad that I don't have those friends already...I'm not used to not having a bunch of friends...or even just a few really awesome friends...I also feel like living by myself would be good. At the same time, I feel that isolation...and I freak out about not having anything. Period. For those of you who are not aware, I have most of my stuff (well, the stuff that I didn't give away) in storage in South Dakota...what did I bring with me? I have my clothing, some books and art supplies. ...I also have videogames and my computer. Those are the things that I would bring with me. ...It's not that I'm worried about not having stuff...it just hits me that...well, every item that I can buy is something that can be replaced, and those things really don't matter, but they are also things that make people... They represent some sort of comfort and security (as they're designed to). I literally do not have any furniture with me...or anything. This makes a roommate sound like a better option...and a not better option. fml. I should have maybe brought a U-Haul and rocked that for a little while until I get a place.

I know that this is a new opportunity. I knew that coming here was going to mean a lot of different things. I don't regret any decisions that I've made so far. Every once in a while, I think about this thing or that thing in the past...I know that I have some regrets, and no matter what question I have for myself, whether it's "what if *this* happened differently?" or "what if I had done *that* instead?" and no matter what the question is, without thinking (shocker!) my brain's response is always the same (perhaps its the religious brainwashing...): I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I know that I whine to a couple of people a lot...I feel bad for not being more open with Joel. I really do. I'm not sure what that all entails...but I feel like I am treating him like I treat everyone else...I keep them at bay with a bow staff... wielded by a ninja...who you would have to get to only by crossing the bridge that crosses a moat of molten "magma." If nothing else, I have had a lot of time to think about a lot of things lately. Anyway, now that THAT daydream has developed itself...I feel like I keep discovering things about myself, and I have had a lot of time to think. Maybe I just need to fill my day with work...or something. God (and Jesus) I hope to find some different job before I have to start at Macy's on Tuesday. That would be greeaaaaaat. And I hope that I can start being a little more emotional. ...not in an emotional way, just maybe more...if I feel excited, I could maybe act excited...or just be legitimately excited, so I can show some emotion.

ciao!

Meah kai

ps - also looking into ways to get my art out there.
pps - I went to a Reds game tonight. They WON in EXTRA INNINGS!!! hahahahaha good fun!
ppps - I want to marry a baseball player or a football player. it's happening. preferably one who is not married and has no children and does not expect me to be a baby machine. or a bj machine. fuckin gross.