my grace is not very refined.

Downtown Battle Mountain II (DGD´s newest)

The Dance Gavin Dance show was amazing. I loved every moment of it. ...it makes me want to hop up on that stage and sing songs.  I keep getting closer to finding what I really want.  I don´t need a college degree to figure this out, I just needed some time.  I´m definitely on the right track, and I´m excited for it.

I co-wrote my first song this week.  ...and recorded it and sent it to a band.  My roommate and I both sang and wrote and he was able to throw some screams out.  I´m very excited about the entire endeavor, since we met the band we were trying out for, and they are amazing people...and by amazing, I mean that they are the same kind of people that I like to kick it with.

Turns out they want Joel to be their singer!  I´m incredibly excited for him, but I´d be a liar if I said I wasn´t a little disappointed...but it really shouldn´t just be THAT easy for me. ...maybe it will be.  It would be fun to be in a band with my roommate, but if it ever happens, now won´t be the time, and I´m okay with that.  The people he´s joining up with are all very good musicians, and I´m impressed. ...there are so many people here who are musicians and who want to have bands that are worth a shit-covered nickel just aren´t.  ...maybe I should be more compassionate towards them...but I´m not, and I don´t feel bad about that.

I think about my music résumé and just think ¨what the fuck am I doing, anyway?¨ ...I do have quite a bit of music experience...just none of it in a band. ...I played saxophone for a million years, I sang in choir and blah blah blah.  I have performance experience.  ...and most of all, I can actually sing pretty well.  Tomrorow I´m gonna find out whether or not I can scream.  ...we´ll see I guess!  I´m going to try out for a band in Emeryville soon (hopefully!).   Oh, by the way, people...I live in Emeryville/Oakland, so...it´s cool.

I´m still searching for a job.  It makes me feel like a horrible person that I haven´t found anything yet.  ...I realized that the things I keep looking at are career type things.  I just need to find some slummy job and work with my kind of people...just not dumb people.  I look at my arm and remember that I´ve made choices so far, and I´m SOOOOO happy that I have.  ...I don´t want to get sucked into something and get elbows deep before I realize or remember that it´s not what I want.  ...and then I make Tito dance (Tito is the dinosaur that goes over my wrist...the fact that he can dance is purely coincidental).

I saw the movie Your Highness last weekend.  It was such a wonderful time.  ...that movie is SOOOO funny.  Easily top five funniest movies I´ve ever seen.  EVER.  ...I´m going to see it again tomorrow.  It has the guy from Eastbound and Down, and if you don´t know what THAT is, you´re definitely missing out.

I feel like I really have support from my people here. I´m excited to be part of a new group of friends, too.  I want to start getting comfortable with the idea of ¨home¨ and all that means.  Regardless of what anyone else says to me, I haven´t ever felt ¨home¨ before, and I really like this feeling.  I feel like from this point, I still want to travel, but I want to always return here.  Also, ...I am really finally making an effort recently to talk to those who I´ve left in other places, but I really am not feeling support from them.  ...this is me being needy and selfish.  I´m entitled to it.  Indulge me, please.  ...Also, will someone just give me a goddamn hug?!

XOXO