my grace is not very refined.

Downtown Battle Mountain II (DGD´s newest)

The Dance Gavin Dance show was amazing. I loved every moment of it. ...it makes me want to hop up on that stage and sing songs.  I keep getting closer to finding what I really want.  I don´t need a college degree to figure this out, I just needed some time.  I´m definitely on the right track, and I´m excited for it.

I co-wrote my first song this week.  ...and recorded it and sent it to a band.  My roommate and I both sang and wrote and he was able to throw some screams out.  I´m very excited about the entire endeavor, since we met the band we were trying out for, and they are amazing people...and by amazing, I mean that they are the same kind of people that I like to kick it with.

Turns out they want Joel to be their singer!  I´m incredibly excited for him, but I´d be a liar if I said I wasn´t a little disappointed...but it really shouldn´t just be THAT easy for me. ...maybe it will be.  It would be fun to be in a band with my roommate, but if it ever happens, now won´t be the time, and I´m okay with that.  The people he´s joining up with are all very good musicians, and I´m impressed. ...there are so many people here who are musicians and who want to have bands that are worth a shit-covered nickel just aren´t.  ...maybe I should be more compassionate towards them...but I´m not, and I don´t feel bad about that.

I think about my music résumé and just think ¨what the fuck am I doing, anyway?¨ ...I do have quite a bit of music experience...just none of it in a band. ...I played saxophone for a million years, I sang in choir and blah blah blah.  I have performance experience.  ...and most of all, I can actually sing pretty well.  Tomrorow I´m gonna find out whether or not I can scream.  ...we´ll see I guess!  I´m going to try out for a band in Emeryville soon (hopefully!).   Oh, by the way, people...I live in Emeryville/Oakland, so...it´s cool.

I´m still searching for a job.  It makes me feel like a horrible person that I haven´t found anything yet.  ...I realized that the things I keep looking at are career type things.  I just need to find some slummy job and work with my kind of people...just not dumb people.  I look at my arm and remember that I´ve made choices so far, and I´m SOOOOO happy that I have.  ...I don´t want to get sucked into something and get elbows deep before I realize or remember that it´s not what I want.  ...and then I make Tito dance (Tito is the dinosaur that goes over my wrist...the fact that he can dance is purely coincidental).

I saw the movie Your Highness last weekend.  It was such a wonderful time.  ...that movie is SOOOO funny.  Easily top five funniest movies I´ve ever seen.  EVER.  ...I´m going to see it again tomorrow.  It has the guy from Eastbound and Down, and if you don´t know what THAT is, you´re definitely missing out.

I feel like I really have support from my people here. I´m excited to be part of a new group of friends, too.  I want to start getting comfortable with the idea of ¨home¨ and all that means.  Regardless of what anyone else says to me, I haven´t ever felt ¨home¨ before, and I really like this feeling.  I feel like from this point, I still want to travel, but I want to always return here.  Also, ...I am really finally making an effort recently to talk to those who I´ve left in other places, but I really am not feeling support from them.  ...this is me being needy and selfish.  I´m entitled to it.  Indulge me, please.  ...Also, will someone just give me a goddamn hug?!

XOXO

tonight! tonight!...and tomorrow.

OOOoooooh I'm in such a good mood.

So.  Today, to start out, I woke up about five minutes (exactly) before I was supposed to leave for work.  And guess who was still on time?  Yeah, this kid right here.  ...well, not *here* with you, the reader, but IIIIII was.  ...I think that's what you call NINJA status.

Ooooooh my gosh.  Tonight I had roommate fun time.  I'm sad kind of that we won't have much of an opportunity to have fun roommate time...BUT!  We totally made some biscuits and gravy tonight.  FROM SCRATCH hahahaha.  The biscuits tasted funny though.  But the gravy was phenom. I had a good time.  I can just feel my shell breaking right now.  Which is good, because I'm not a turtle..

I am getting more used to the people at work.  I like pretty much everyone there, though I was somewhat reserved at first...which is a nice way of saying that I was just a bitch.  I had kind of a revelation today...which is my reason for writing.  ...since I'm still working on the whole "sharing my thoughts and whatever" thing. ANYWAY.  the revelation.  Crap.  Now I can't remember it exactly, but to paraphrase myself in the clearest way possible (working on communication still) it has to do with realizing that I need to not just talk to someone for five minutes and decide that they're horrible, or even slightly bad...or good for that matter.  These things take time.  ...which I'm sure I knew before, but realizing that THAT is how I act...not good.  BUT!  I do have an opportunity to work on it.

I think that work has put me in a perpetually good mood. ...I think that this is accomplished by brainwashing.  ...but I can't complain.  Maintaining a good mood is helping me.  ...to be in a good mood.  OH! And I've been looking at places on Craigslist...and as soon as I get a phone (tomorrow!!! according to UPS) I can call people and set up times to look at things.  Yay toast!

Last night I went to see The Other Guys.  Great movie.  There were a couple of parts that just tickled me.  Ridiculous.  And funny.  I recommend it.

Tomorrow? Phone.  The next day? Contact lenses.  I'm going to be a fully-functioning human before too long!!!